I don’t have a lot of friends and there’s definitely a reason for that. I used to think it was because I appear “cold” (I’m actually not lol), but turns out I was wrong. Having grown older (and wiser), I realize that the reason I don’t have a lot of friends is because of how deeply I value love and friendship. I know that sounds a little confusing or contradictory but I’ll explain.
I think that friendship in its truest form is the most beautiful thing a person can experience. Knowing that someone has your back and will try as much as they can to be there for you (even if they make mistakes or fail) is amazing. There’s nothing quite like someone making an effort to show up for you or support you in good times and bad times.
It’s so easy for anyone to like you when you’re at your best or when they think you’re doing well but it gets real when it all falls apart; that’s when you can really tell who has your back.
I know everyone has a different definition of what friendship is but I thought I’ll break down what true friendship is to me:
True friendship is deeply caring for someone and letting them know. If you’re my friend you’ve probably heard me say “I love you” several times. I’m so expressive like that (lol). I try to say it as much as possible just so you know how deeply I care. To me, friendship isn’t about hanging out with someone or talking to them every single day, it’s about having that person’s back – praying for them, encouraging them, letting them know how special they are and being genuinely concerned about their well-being.
I find that a lot of friendships these days are way too casual – “oh I follow her on Instagram” or “I respond to her snaps on Snapchat”. That really isn’t a basis for friendship because you never really get to know them.
I believe that friendships are special and what makes them even more amazing is when the emotional needs of both parties are being met. What are you bringing to the table that a stranger can’t? As a friend, you need to be a shoulder to lean on.
True friendship is also about trust – trusting that the other person has your back and will always keep whatever you tell them private. It’s also about trusting the other person enough to reveal who you truly are – your personality, your struggles and everything that comes with being you. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about aspects of your personality when you’re with a true friend.
True friendship is about intimacy. I love it when a friend knows little details about me, even to the most random things. That always creates a strong bond which I think should be the basis of friendship. I don’t know about you but I find it slightly awkward when people you don’t know at all say things like “I want to be your friend.” I’m not saying there’s anything necessarily wrong with it but I think that friendships should always happen naturally. It should be based on mutual interests, likes, dislikes, values or something concrete. You can be so different in terms of personality but I think there has to be a basis or something BOTH parties enjoy about each other in order for it to last.
I think that true friendship is also genuinely liking someone. As weird as it sounds, some people don’t like their friends. Even some married couples who appear happy don’t actually like each other. Ever gone out to lunch or dinner and seen a couple not talking to each other – one person could be on the phone while the other is taking photos of the food throughout the entire date! I see it happen a lot and I’m almost tempted to ask them why they’re even out (lol). Couples should be (best) friends and you have to truly enjoy your friend’s company, otherwise that friendship is false.
True friendship is being kind. It’s weird but these days we think that being mean to our friends is okay and unless we are mean to them and able to call them names, they’re not really our friends. When you think about it – that doesn’t make any sense! Be kind to your friends, show them support, give when they’re lacking and say something great about them.
Lastly, true friendship is based on LOVE!
Are you a true friend?